15 Hilarious Retirement Poems For The New Retiree In Your Life

So the big day has arrived – a coworker, friend, or teacher you know is retiring.

You want to acknowledge this major milestone, and you know a lighthearted approach is in order for this retiree. 

Or maybe you want to balance your serious and thoughtful words with one or two humorous retirement poems. 

Whether you are making a goodbye speech or writing a card, these funny poems about retirement will send the retiree on their way with a smile and a laugh. 

15 Funny Retirement Poems for the New Retiree

It’s hard to know what to say to someone leaving their career after so many years. It’s a bittersweet moment for the retiree and those around them. 

There will be plenty of sentimental and meaningful words for the retiring person – you’ll likely write or say some yourself.

But you also want to remind them of the humor in this momentous occasion and the life change they are about to experience. 

Read through the retirement poems and funny retirement limericks below, and use them in one of these ways:

  • Include one in a special card for the retiree.
  • Use one as the starting point for a toast or speech about them.
  • Use them as idea starters to write your own funny retirement poem.

Funny Retirement Poems for CoWorkers

You’ve worked with this person for years, and they have been part of your daily life.

Now, as they retire, you want to share words that speak to their years of hard work – or to the free time ahead of them.

Take a look at these funny poems for work colleagues.

1. I Love My Job, by Dr. Seuss

I love my job, I love the pay.

I love it more and more each day.

I love my boss; he/she is the best.

I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.

I hate to have to go on vacation.

I love my furniture, drab and gray,

And the paper that piles up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell.

There’s nothing else I love so well.

I love to work among my peers.

I love their leers and jeers and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;

I hug it often though it don’t care.

I love each program and every file,

I try to understand once in a while.

I’m happy to be here, I am, I am;

I’m the happiest slave of my Uncle Sam.

I love this work; I love these chores.

I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job-I’ll say it again.

I even love these friendly men,

These men who’ve come to visit today

In lovely white coats to take me away.

2. Senior Week, by Paul Curtis

Since I’ve been retired

Every day is a fun day

My week now consists

Of six Saturdays and a Sunday

3. The Extra Long Weekend, by Paul Berchtold

It’s hard for us to comprehend,

We say goodbye to you, good friend.

May the days be fine,

The sun always shine,

On this your extra long weekend!

4. No Stress Retirement, by Karl and Joanna Fuchs

We worked together, and now you will leave,

Retiring to boredom we can’t conceive,

With no stress, no strain, no deadlines to meet,

No worries about the verdict when a task you complete.

We who remain, we pity you so.

We wish you the best, and we want you to know,

If freedom and relaxation get too hard to cope,

Just think of us, and don’t give up hope.

5. 9 to 5, by Samantha C. Ringle

9 to 5, or 8 to 4,

You don’t have to do it anymore.

No more time clock

No more late docks.

You get to retire today

You will be missed in every way.

Enjoy your retirement

It is truly an achievement!

Congratulations to you

With work, you are through!

Funny Retirement Poems for Friends and Loved Ones

One of your dear friends, a parent, or another family member is retiring.

This person is so important to you, and you’d never want to neglect acknowledging this major event in their life. A funny retirement poem is a great way to kick off the celebration.

6. How Did You, by C. A. Lynch

How did you get to retire before me?

Oh, my friend, that can’t be!

Oh, how jealous I am of you

You make me feel blue!

But I am happy you get to retire

You always did inspire!

7. When You Retire, by Tree.Cards

When you retire, you get to sleep more,

Life is no longer, a long tedious chore,

You may do, whatever you want,

Freedom you get to, regularly flaunt.

When you retire, you get to sleep more,

Your bones might be older, and a little bit sore.

Buy a nice car, and go for a ride,

No schedule to follow, you’re simply not tied.

When you retire, you get to sleep more,

All afternoon, who cares if you snore.

If you have time, you may volunteer,

Whatever you do, there’s nothing to fear.

8. A Joyous Time Indeed, by Julie Hebert

Congratulations on your retirement.

It’s a joyous time indeed.

Say goodbye to the everyday hustle and bustle,

And enjoy the slower speed.

Take the things you love,

And make them happen every day.

Retirement is a time for you,

So make some time to play.

Whatever you love to do,

Make it number one.

This is your one and only time,

To have a lot of fun.

Wishing a lot for you,

At this amazing time.

Hope its everything you imagined,

By enjoying your favorite pastime.

9. Thank God That’s Over, by Paul Curtis

I’m so glad I am leaving

It’s not before time

It’s like release from prison

After committing no crime

It’s a cause for celebration

Bring on the dancing girls

Crack open a bottle

Let’s get the flags unfurled

I’ve worked too many years

For Scrooge like employers

Today is a joyful occasion

It’s the greatest of pleasures

I’m so glad I am leaving

It’s all I have desired

Thank God the day has come

I’m so glad I’ve retired

10. Joy, by Tree.Cards

Work has been a long routine,

Now it’s time to change your scene.

The journey lasted, so many years,

Now get ready, for some cheers.

You have done, a top-notch job,

We shall miss you, we may sob.

Freedom will be, something new,

You’ll enjoy the brand new view.

We’re happy for you, that you’re done,

Try new hobbies, have some fun.

No more thoughts about – employ,

Take it easy, and share your joy.


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Funny Retirement Poems for Teachers

Whether it’s your own teacher from the past or your child’s teacher, this significant person positively impacted your life.

A good teacher is invaluable, and they leave a legacy of appreciative students once they retire. Mark the occasion with a poem that will make them smile. 

11. Say Goodbye, via WishesMessages.com

Say goodbye to these corridors

Say goodbye to that lobby

Say goodbye to the cafeteria

Say goodbye to everything you see

Say goodbye to your classroom

Say goodbye to your chair

Retirement will bring sweet pain

Which you will love to bear

Happy retirement

12. The Teacher Gets A+, by Joanna Fuchs

I look forward to your class

When I come to school.

You’re an awesome teacher;

I think you’re very cool.

You’re smart and fair and friendly;

You’re helping all of us.

And if I got to grade you,

From me, you’d get A+!

13. We Thank You, by C. A. Lynch

We thank you for the teaching you did

We thank you for loving us kids.

We thank you for the patience you have shown

We thank you for putting up with our groans.

Now as you retire we wish you

Happiness in all you do

Relaxation for all your days

We will miss you always.

You are a teacher we will not forget

You leave a legacy of positive mindsets

Happy Retirement to a teacher who

Helped us kids to continue to grow

14. No More, by Tom S. Gold

No more books
No more kids
No more dirty looks
No more messy lids.

No more tests to mark
No more recess breaks
No more loud remarks
No more putting on the brakes.

You now get to retire
Look forward to the future
No more routines
And no more daily structure

Congrats to you
You will be missed you know
A great teacher you have been
Losing you for us is a great blow.

15. To the Best Teacher Ever, by Kelly Roper

To the teacher who made us smile

Still helping us learn all the while.

To the teacher who explained things again,

Not once or twice but ten.

To the teacher who would stay late

Tutoring us to improve our grade’s fate.

To the teacher with the biggest heart

Who encouraged us all to feel smart.

No words will ever do

To let you know how we feel about you.

Thank you dear teacher and

Happy retirement to you!

A new retiree will feel appreciated and remembered because you took the time to share a retirement poem with them.

You will reach this milestone with the same excited and anxious feelings one day.

Think about the poem you’d like to receive and let that guide you as you choose one for the retiree in your life.

It's retirement day and you want to keep the drama away when giving messages. With that, here are some funny retirement poems you can use.

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